Assalamualaikum!

Yay ! Like finally, another post right? Hehe. Well actually I'm not in a good situation. I just realised that i was easily affected by whats going around me. Maybe much because of hormones and puberty. Its been a tough month. No doubt bout that. I never get the chance to have a very good sleep in three months straight. Do you know what that means? That means restless. Despite having a week holiday, it never turns out as a holiday to me because I have to work hard for those days. Those days of holidays, its unfortunate for me for not having a good sleep at all in seven days in a week. So did you see how it affected me? No, because you are just reading what the author types. Hehe.

I got easily affected by whats going around me and got some emotional stress. I easily cried when people are not in a good terms with me. Might as well said, its been a bad month for me. Though I tried not to hate this month, it doesnt help. Most of the bitter memories were stucked in my head in March. I cant hate this month because major of my friends are having birthdays.

Well, lets cut it out.I attended a course for those who wanted the Sergeant position. I went to training before going because I want to do well in it. I actually have lost my interest in scouts for two years and I dont know why Allah gave me the idea to return back to my liking. But when I go to the course, I felt like i had only trained for 20% that was needed for sergeant position. It sounds like a fail doesnt it? Gladly, I still got the position though I know somehow I'm not qualified. Coming to school and got tortured more than ever. Just now, we had a post mortem which I hope never really exist. And yeah, how i wish it doesnt even exist because we got blamed for everything that happen though when we were at the course, everything seems fine, clear. When we knew that we were very troubled, we started to feel demotivated. Well at least for me, I felt demotivated. I feel like there's backstabbing. There's betrayal, hatred in the post mortem. No, I'm not complaining. I just telling what I felt and how it has pressured me to the maximum.

How I felt really doesnt help me in motivating myself. I felt like it was some kind of intergue. Some kind of investigate. I didnt like it. I never like it. But, like my topic up here, its just a situation. We learned from mistakes and make it correct when we had chance. Somehow, after going home and have some thought to myself, I really felt useless but at the same time I remembered, that it was Allah who makes things turns out like this. There's got to be a reason or benefits behind it. Maybe Allah wanted to show us something but we didnt see it just yet. Maybe we will see what was hidden later when the time is right. Ya Allah, please bless us and please dont test me for what I couldnt get through. You know things more than I am. Please Allah, lead me to a true path and make things easy for me to handle. I had much burden to carry by myself right now. Can you take this as a prayer from me? Ya Allah, everything depends on you. You are the Almighty God that has created the universe with your Almighty powers. There's nothing that could ever beat you. NOTHING. Thank you Allah for listening to me. :)

Wassalam,
Mawaddah.
new past